So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
