woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
