so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
