i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
