$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
