You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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