Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
