three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
