I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
