I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
