drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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