just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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