nut hugger
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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