haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This is the high leading the old right now
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
