when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
