you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
