Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
