I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
