Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize