What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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