Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
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