3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
