i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
