Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
