Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
