Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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