Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
