i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
