you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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