Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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