I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
