he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
