Don't you send me to vm
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
