Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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