So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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