just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
