she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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