it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
