I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Everything about him screamed your future.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
