Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
