idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
