We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
