I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
