I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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