Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
