I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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