I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
