therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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