i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
