i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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