fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
