from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sorry about my life...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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