true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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