I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
