dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
