why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
