Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
