I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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