At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
