did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Someone came in the potted fern
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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