Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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