Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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