ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
