He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you didnt know i had herpes?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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