So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
