Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize