He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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