my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
