I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You smell like stripper and shame
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
