The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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