i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
