If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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