There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
is it fun? or sober?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
