Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
