I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
