when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
