I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
